Mimi Mvakali

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"Daddy issues"

A manifestation of daddy issues: the most important man in your life left when you were young so you spend your life chasing men and sacrificing yourself to do anything to make them stay.

When people speak of “Daddy issues” it gives me the impression that they think they are better off because their fathers stayed…

The kind of men that generate “Daddy issues”:

1. The man that left when his girlfriend told him she was pregnant

2. The man that told his one night stand to “get rid of it” and when she wouldn’t he said he wanted nothing to do with “it”

3. The lovers who had a baby but couldn’t work things out

4. The man that fell in love with another women and left his wife and kids to start a new family

5.The man that constantly puts his shortcomings before his children and has endless excuses for why he can’t be a good father

6. The man that never visits or calls his children despite knowing exactly where they are

7. The man that stayed and cheated on his wife. Who broke his family but contained all the pieces in one house and would not let her leave.

8.The man that stayed and loved his kids but never showed them how to love because he never loved their mother

9.The man that loves his wife but resents his children

10. The man that thinks money = love

11.The man that doesn’t pay child support or school fees

12.The man that died before his child could say “I love you Dad” or “Dad, it’s okay, I forgive you”

13. The man that never lets his children know that they have made him proud

I find it so offensive when “Daddy issues” is used to categorize moral ambiguity or promiscuity. Maybe it is because my father never stayed but even the ones that stay can damage us. I think people need to be more sensitive and responsible with their words. Where you come from is one the many things that we cannot control. We do not pick our parents and we don’t have a say in whether they stay or not. This is something that tugs at my core - using the absence of a father as an insult. I could not get that low lying down. Every time someone says something about “Daddy Issues” I want to punch them, but then again, my daddy was a boxer.

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